They tease me and make me small. They treat me like trash and think we're friends. They think I'm not looking or listening when they give me those looks, or talk and laugh about me behind my back. They say I'm annoying, and that because of me, they want to kill themselves. Everyone laughs, and I sit there pretending that it doesn't hurt. I just smile it off, but when everyone turns away; I give a sad lonely frown. My friends tell me that they're lying, but I still feel the sting of the words. I lay awake at night pondering what they say, then I remember every hateful and hurtful thing that's been said to me. It comes at me in a rush. I feel as if I've been stabbed in the heart. I can't breathe. It hurts. I feel the warm tears fall down my face. I feel like I'm falling in a deep dark hole with no way out. The void is endless I see no light. The feelings swarm me and begin to pick and eat at me like bird upon dead prey. I let them pick me to death. Then I see it. A small glimmer of light. A ray of hope. The birds of prey block my view. I begin to loss my self again, but the light comes towards me and pushes the hatred away. It grabs me and holds me tight. I feel safe and warm. I smile for real, not a fake one, but a true one with a positive feeling behind it. I feel my hope coming back.
But this process repeats day after day, night after night. I wish for it to end.
AN: I know that this is how many teenagers feel. This is the dreadful truth about teenage life and even mine. It needs to be said. It hurts it truly hurts. I'm about to admit something... I have been pushed over the edge this past year to where I went into my kitchen grabbed a knife and felt the need to end my life, but then I remembered. I have to many loved ones that would be affected by this; I could never break there heart. That feeling right there told me don't do it you have so much to live for.. I have so many great friends who look up to me. I have a wonderful, sweet and caring boyfriend to whom I love dearly, and it would kill him inside if I ever hurt myself. Heck I'm a walk storm of bad luck juju, he and my friend plan to put me in a bubble of protection from the world! So this is what I'm saying to you. If you feel this way like ending your life don't there are so many who care about you, and it would kill them because they would all ask the same questions. "Why? I thought she/he was happy? What could I have done to help her/him? Why didn't they reach out to me?" That is all I have to say. Sorry for this rant. I thought I'd be a subject that I should address..